A hundred million years ago I decided I was going to write a blog, and then I never did. Then I decided I was going to become an instagram influencer. And I never did. Then I decided I was going to do Tiktok… and you guessed it, I never did. And all the time I was not doing it I was still thinking about this damn blog. I was still thinking about what I’d want to say if I had the platform to say it. What would matter to me. The whole time I was not dancing on tiktok I was thinking about what would happen if I DID dance on Tiktok.

I hope I’m not alone in that. I hope I’m not alone in the desire to do something, but not the motivation/will power/drive whatever you want to call it. There are lots of beautiful wonderful amazing things that I HAVE done in my life. But I’ve also picked up this blog on and off for over a decade. For over a decade this is something I’ve wanted and not committed to.

I turn 30 in just under 6 months. I’ve already made decisions about what I’m NOT taking into my 30’s. Starting with weddings… I will not be photographing weddings anymore. I will still happily photograph people who are in love! I’ll photograph vow renewals, and engagements, and elopments, and couples, and maternity, and all the little moments of love. But the 8-10 hour days? I am not photographing those anymore. I am not working with planners who care about if the bread is on the table (objectively the photos look better without the bread on the table), but doesn’t the bread kinda add to the story?

A photographer I follow recently photographed a wedding for $500 with just his iphone. The photos were gorgeous and he said he felt alive. More alive photographing that wedding than photographing the last wedding he’d done for thousands of dollars. So who knows maybe something will happen that changes everything. But the way I photograph full day weddings now? I’m not doing that any more. I did it since I was 16, and I stopped once before and then I fell back into it “post” pandemic.

It’s vulnerable to write this. My blog is not anonymous. My face is all over it. I don’t want a past client to read it and think I disliked their wedding. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings. And I don’t want a future client to read this and think I don’t care about their wedding. I do care about their wedding. And I will capture it and deliver it to them with the same care I always have. It’s ironic… after I decided I wasn’t going to do weddings in 2025 I started getting flooded with inquiries. Turning them down has felt hard. I’ve done this for so long. It’s mattered for so long. It’s how I paid our bills for so long. But something new is exciting and I’m ready to try it.

Did you have to read Catcher in the Rye in high school? I know, non-sequester award goes to Sam. But it was written as a steam of consciousness novel. I know I’m not the next great American novelist, but I think that is JD Salinger had a blog it might read a little like this one. Where we’re just sharing. Just writing to write. Just creating to create.

How do I de-influence my life when everything around me is influence? I’m working on giving up my cell phone. I subscribed to a physical copy of the New York Times. That’s been fun to collect every day. I’m figuring it out. But I know that for the last decade I have come back to the idea of this blog. So I’m here for it the way it’s always been here for me.

This post isn’t SEO optimized, it isn’t planned or curated, and it definitely does not fit the quota of images to words. But I like it. It feels good. I felt good writing it. And I’m happy here.

 

Anyway, here’s a photo of what I look like today and the bees that are visiting my garden: